Friday, May 28, 2010

So Excited

First off, Happy Memorial Day Everyone! I know I am a little early with that, but as you may recall I have dial up internet at home, so I will not be posting over the weekend! But I hope everyone has a safe and super happy holiday. Also I want to send my sincerest thanks out to all the men and women that serve our country, who put their lives on the line to protect mine. I am very grateful. Having been previously married to a Navy man, I know what it takes to be away from your family to protect others and we are all very blessed and honored to have such selfless people out there to do that.
Ok, so other exciting news in my life. Last night Big G and I got our new, to us, bikes. I wasn't really sure how Gary was going to react to me getting us bikes, so I kinda didn't tell him until about 10 minutes before they arrived. I have found in my life it is way easier to ask for forgiveness later than permission in the first place. I was pleasantly surprised by his reaction though. He was really excited. He even took a ride before I did. We got them from my beloved Aunt and they had been collecting dust in her garage, so once we had them home we polished them up. We greased the chains, adjusted the seats and handlebars and went for a ride. It was pure bliss. I felt like I had gone back in time to a simpler place. The bikes are really old, but in great shape, they don't have any speeds and you have to peddle backwards to get them to stop. They are super nostalgic and I love them, they even match. I know kinda corny, but cute at the same time.
I have been working really hard all week at making better food choices and getting in some sort of exercise everyday. That is easier said than done since Tuesday's and Thursday's are non stop from the time my feet hit the floor, but I have been really trying. And I have been pretty successful at it as well. Tuesday was the only day that I didn't get some sort of official workout in, but I did take a nice long walk in the store that day just to try to get something in. Well anyway, I feel really successful about it today. This morning I stepped on the scale and it had moved in the downward direction! Yeah me! I am so inspired and motivated to keep up the good work. I am trying not to look to far down the road at my end goal, but instead to take things 5 pounds at a time, and with this small success I think that I am definitely going about things the right way.
So how about you? Anything have you super excited? Any big plans for the weekend? Any movement on your scale?
Have a great weekend, whatever you do! And if you are anywhere around Mid-Michigan enjoy the sunshine they're predicting for the weekend.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Let it begin with me

So I started on a new fun journey today. Ok will I didn't exactly start it today, but I am making it official today. I have joined a new weight loss group. I have been up and down on the scale for as long as I can remember. In the last 4 years I have lost a significant amount of weight and I was finally happy with my size and how I looked. Well then life got busy and things got stressful and well, I gained. I gained more than I want to mention and it was slow and it sucks. I want to lose 40 pounds. I know that it will take some time and that it is better to do it slow and steady. I know all this because I have literally tried every weight loss option out there and I know what works and what doesn't.
So anyway. I am officially coming out and letting everyone know "hey I want to lose some weight, I need to do this for me and my family. I need some support and help along the way, and heck as long as I am at it, join me here. It will be fun and we can do it together."
I am starting slow and working on it. I actually have been trying to work on it for awhile now. But now I am not hiding it any more. I am telling people. Now I have the accountability to others that I did not have before. Now I have to answer to you.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Growing Pains

It is getting so close to summer vacation, only 6 more days of school for K and then he is done for the year. Happily moving on to the second grade. I am so impressed with how much he has grown up this year and how much he has learned. He is one of the top readers in his class which is completely awesome. Since the day he came home from the hospital I have read to him almost every night before he goes to sleep and now he is reading to me. I am loving that. I am a huge reader and I love that I seem to have instilled the love in K too. Besides everything he has learned academically this year he has also grown more mature, more independent and way too tall. I can't find pants to fit his skinny little butt because he is so stinking tall. I can get them to fit the waist but not the length, thank goodness it is summer and he can wear shorts now. But the biggest change in him the year is that he has recently become a trader.
K has always been my little boy. Preferring to be wherever I am and doing whatever it is I am doing. To the point were getting any alone time was nearly impossible. He really didn't want anything to do with G, because of course that would involve work. And heaven forbid I want to leave him home and run to the store, he just had to be with me. If I forced him to stay home with G he would whine and make me feel guilty. He would consent to stay home with his brother B, but B didn't want a whole lot to do with that. That is until recently, in the last couple of weeks K has decided that G isn't so bad to spend time with after all. He sits and waits for G to get home from work so they can go outside in the pole barn and work on projects. They watch TV together, they go for rides together with brother and they go and hang out with all G's friends together. K will now even get whatever it is G needs or wants without being told. What gives? I had been wanting them to find a comfortable relationship for along time, but this? Mom just got bypassed for G! Truthfully though I am loving it. I am completely comfortable with the fact that my son still loves me but has found more boy kinda interests than helping Mom fold laundry and clean the house. He is getting to be more independent and starting to really enjoy all the things that G loves, like hunting and fishing and building stuff. Those two are now like two peas in a pod and when brother B comes around, look out cause I am at a loss.
As a side note, I am doing pretty well on looking for those silver linings I talked about yesterday. And I was really inspired when I got home last night. Inspired enough that I finally set up my work out room, complete with T.V., videos, eliptical machine and step. It made me feel so good to finally get that project done and ever more so that I used the space and worked out last night.

Monday, May 24, 2010

A Few of My Favorite Things

Very often in my life I get caught up in the moment and let that take over my whole day, my whole attitude, and I forget to look for the silver linings in thing. Take for instance today. It did not start off on a great foot, and I think I was predisposed to thinking before it even started that today was just going to stink. So when I got to work and things when right in the crapper just as I knew they would I let my mood get flushed away too.
But then I went to lunch and had to stop at the store and pick up some hot dog buns for dinner and I decided to walk around a little. And it was in the walking around, still brooding over my day, that I actually found some inspiration to be happy. I was walking past aisles of pretty summer colors and decorations, of patio furniture and lawn chairs and it got me to thinking. Ok, so yep work is kinda miserable right now, nothing new there, but why do you have to be miserable too. I don't have to be miserable and I shouldn't be miserable. I do not have to let work affect my home life and my lunch hour and everything else I will do all day. I can't let work ruin the waking hours that I don't spend there.
So it got me to really thinking about what makes me happy. About what I have to look forward to and what I have to be thankful for in my life. It made me think about my wonderful son, my doting husband, my family and my friends. I am in control of my attitude, of how my day goes and how I react to the things that are outside of my control. I can choose to let something crappy at work affect me in a negative way, or I can choose to leave those crappy things at work, at work. I am choosing today to be in control of my destiny. To be in control of my attitude and to be happy.
Everything seems to be easier and better when I am happy. So today I am taking inspiration from the bright summer colors in the store. I am choosing to be bright and summery as well. I am choosing to think about adding some color and fun to my back porch tonight instead of sitting on the couch moping about a bad day. I am choosing to hang my laundry on the clothes line tonight, to clean out a kitchen cupboard, to pay those bills on the table. I a choosing to do something positive instead of something negative. To be in control of my day, my mood and my life.

Friday, May 21, 2010

TGIF and other happy things

I am so glad that it is finally Friday, I have been waiting all week for it to get here and now here it is. And it is working out to be a fantastic end of the work week. First G got called out of town on work today, so I get to leave early to get K off the bus! I love that. It is a win win, I get to start my weekend early and surprise K by begin home when he gets there. Another great part of today is that my long over due work review has been scheduled for Monday, so hopefully a nice pretty raise will follow. And one of my co-workers that kinda drove me a little nutty put in her one day notice today. It is going to be a great day, and a great weekend.
We have my nephews confirmation this weekend along with a graduation open house, which means I get to eat good all weekend and I don't have to cook at all. It is supposed to be in the 80's all weekend as well, so I can wash my bedding and hang it on the clothes line to dry. I love that smell!
So it is looking like a super great weekend, I will be sad to come back to work Monday. Except, oh wait, that little thing about a review and raise! Finally maybe life is falling into place.
Wish me luck.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Feeling Better

Everyday I wake up wishing that I had a few more minutes/hours of sleep. I get up, get K up, dressed, fed and off to the bus. I then gather myself together to get ready for my day, shower, dress, coffee and off to work. Everyday is the same thing. I arrive tired and somewhat grumpy for work and the day goes down hill from there. But lately I am finding some changes to that routine. I still wish I had a little more time in the mornings to sleep and to take a little longer getting ready. But I am not so tired in the mornings, I am not so grumpy. Actually by the time I have K's cereal poured I am awake and happy. This is a huge change for me. For as far back as I can remember I have not been a morning person. I am a sleeper. Even as a small child I loved to sleep, and now to wake up happy and refreshed in the morning. What a switch.
I know that part of it has to do with the fact that I started taking my iron supplements again. My iron likes to drop into the toilet on a regular basis and until I knew what was happening and why I felt so terrible I was dealing with it as best I could. After having iron infusions last year I have been much more on top of the symptoms and taking care to remember my supplement. So I know that is part of my improved self. But the other part of it is me. I am trying to turn my frown upside down.
Really though, I am trying to be a more positive person. I am trying to see the silver lining on things that seem to look awful at first. I am trying to put the olive branch out to people that before I would have not cared about. I am really trying to be a better person/friend/mother/wife/daughter. And I think that it is helping me to be a happier person. And according to an article I read the other day people who count their blessings sleep better at night. So being happier, seeing the good things in life, counting my blessings helps me sleep better and wake up more refreshed.
It is all connected in a not so vicious cycle. I am just glad to be feeling better, to be feeling like a human being again instead of like a crazed lunatic.
What are you doing to try to feel better? Is it working??

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Changes in Attitude, Changes in Latitude

Lately I have been thinking a lot about changes. Big and little changes that I feel I need to try to make in my life to make my world a better place to be. I have had a super crappy attitude lately about some of the things in my life. I need to try to turn that negative feeling into something positive and productive. I need to try to work through my anger and find a happier place to be. The trouble is I have no idea how to do that. The anger is so all consuming that I can't even pretend to be happy when it hits. I just shut down, I close myself off and I sit and stew in my head about the injustice of the whole thing. But it has to change it is killing me inside and it is hurting my marriage and affecting every aspect of my life. But how? How do I change this. It isn't a completely me issue, it is a me versus someone else issue and I can only change me. How do I look past the hurt and the heart ache and the bad decisions and the kicks to the teeth and move on? No it is not me versus G, but that gets thrown into the mix when things get heated up.
I don't know if I can overcome but I have come to a point where I need to try for G to make things easier for everyone. I have spent sometime discussing this with a counselor and of course got the advise that I need to show some outward positive emotion towards this person to help heal the pain. That is sooo hard for me,that is like telling me I need to figure out how to walk on water. But I know that I have to try. I need to try to prove to G that 1)I can do this and 2) that I am not the problem.
I think that if I can make some positive changes in other aspects of my life that they will rub off and take hold of the rest of me and I can just be a happier person all around. Does that make sense? Could that possibly work? I am a really good advice giver, whether or not you want the advise is irrelevant. So I think I will take a big swallow of my own medicine, hitch up my big girl panties and take the plunge into unknown waters. I am hoping when I come up for air that I will be in a better place.
Some of the changes that I am going to attempt to make are really small but I think that there affects will be far reaching. I want to feel better about myself so I am scheduling a walk every day to give me a small bit of me time. Just a half and hour walk, I think, alone will renew my spirit, give me time to think and ponder and relax, as well as getting me out in the beautiful sunshine. Also I always clean my kitchen and do the dishes at night after dinner, but I always do them alone, I think that it is time for my family to buck up and help a little more. If they can pick up the dirty dishes from the other rooms of the house and bring them to me as well as taking care of any trash and cans that are sitting around it will save me a ton of time and then we can all have a more relaxing evening together. I don't think that either of those things are really very big, but I think they will have a huge impact on how I feel.
On to other notes of interest; my sister. She is struggling at the moment, and it breaks my heart that I can not fix her troubles. Last week it was me that was struggling and she gave me some much needed advice and now it is my turn. Let me start by telling you that my sister is a strong, independent, beautiful person.....with a problem. Mainly her family!lol well at least the girls in her house. My sister has 2 kids, her daughter is 19 and her son is 17 and she has a friend of her daughters also 19 living with them. And the girls are not helping to pull there weight in the house. She is having a hard time being a disciplinarian, she has always been close to her kids and they have gotten through well enough, until now. Now with one extra person in her house nothing seems to get done and she is at her wits ends. Working all day and coming home to teenagers on the couch asking what is for dinner? What is a mother to do? So my advise to her is to be the strong woman I know that she is. To take time every day for herself, to stop and smell the roses and to let those girls grow up and if she has to, to stop being the nice mom and start taking care of her needs. I know I sound harsh, but children need boundaries, whether they are 9 or 19 they need direction and our role as a parent is to give that to them. And if all else fails, come over to your sisters house and relax!

Friday, May 14, 2010

Happy Anniversary

This weekend is my anniversary. Sunday to be exact. So I thought that I would take this opportunity to say lots of nice things about my husband, but I won't. You see it has been my experience that whenever I say what a sweet, wonderful, thoughtful husband I have, I come home and he is a total ASS!!! So in anticipation of my anniversary weekend I will tell you that my husband is a cranky, crabby, sometimes down right pain in the ass, but he is mine and I love him.
I am glad that I married G and that we live our life and raise our kids together. I am glad every day (well most days) that I have him to come home to and that he comes home to me. He makes me laugh more than he makes me want to throw something at him. And he is a big cuddly teddy bear on cold winter nights that keeps me safe and warm. He takes care of all of us even though technically he doesn't have to, and he makes sure the boogie monster isn't hiding out in our basement (if you know me at all you know how real my fear of something in the basement is).
I am glad that I took that walk down the isle and I am proud of my husband. And mostly I love going to bed at night knowing that as much as I love him, he loves me more.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Jeans....or is it genes??

So my family and I decided last night to take a walk. All of us.....together. It was a production. First off K does not like to walk as much as he likes to ride his bike, which is totally fine with me except that he has to completely stop and pull off the road when cars are coming. It is mostly for my peace of mind, but it does slow down the process. And G, OMG G, he is the worlds slowest walker ever. He does not stop when a car comes, but K and I do, and we still walk farther and faster than he does. So anyway, we are off for our "family" walk last night and K and I are pulled over and G walks ahead of us, so I catch up to him and he says, "slow down you long legged Hilda!"
WHAT?!?! I look at him, and what is that supposed to mean.
"You have the longest damn legs and you walk too fast."
I grinned. I am almost 6 feet tall and I do have long legs. For years I was teased about my height, being taller than all the boys for years. But for what I think is the first time, being teased for my long legs didn't bother me at all. For the first time, I was proud of those long legs. They are strong, they carry me where I need to go and yes, they are long. Long enough that I have to buy all my pants in talls, long enough to stretch the entire length of the couch. And long enough to run fast when my child calls for me.
So is it my jeans that make me proud of my legs? More than likely it is my genes that make me proud. I come from a large family of super tall people. My mom's brothers as well as my Dad and his brothers all top out at over six feet. My bother is also somewhere around 6'3". And I am the tallest girl in the family and I love it.
Even through all the teasing growing up about being too tall, as was my basketball nickname, I am proud of it. I am proud of the fact that standing in a group of my relatives I obviously belong.

Monday, May 10, 2010

Mother's Day Weekend in Review

I had the most relaxing, wonderful Mother's Day weekend ever. I traveled home to my parents house on Friday afternoon. I left work early, picked up my son from school, jumped in the truck and drove the 45 miles home. I spent the weekend relaxing and enjoying my family and friends. We grilled out for Mother's Day. We had salads and hot dogs, olives and hamburgers and pie. It was lovely. we celebrated my Mom and all the wonderful things she does for us. But the best part was my K.
I am such a proud Mom. I have such a wonderful, sweet, kind hearted, smart, handsome and loving little boy. I know that the day was all about Mother's, but I feel like it was all about K. Without him I wouldn't be a mom at all, and being is Mom is the best thing I have or will ever do.
It is constant worry, and constant joy. Every single day I think how lucky I am to have that little boy as mine. He is such a joy, even on the worst days he makes me happy. He makes me laugh and he makes me want to get up every day and enjoy what the day brings. He always seems to give me the perfect gift on Mother's Day. When he was 2 he gave me a poem about his little fingers and he had his hand prints on it. Yesterday he gave me a clay mold of his little hand. Of all the gifts he gives me it is for some reason his hands that I cherish most. I have them all saved in my hope chest and I often get them out and look how far he's come.
I know that someday he will be all grown up with babies of his own, but as far as I am concerned he will always be my baby. He will always be my sun and moon and the reason I work so hard to make his life the best it can be.
It might have been a day to celebrate Mother's, but for me it was a day to celebrate the reason I am a mother. Thank you K for making it such a great day. Thank you for being such a great kid. And always remember that I love you more than anything.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mood Swings and Random Things..........

So, well, um, yeah, I have been more than a little cranky lately. For the past couple weeks I having been pushing the envelope on how much I can get away with. At work, at home, everywhere I go. I have just been cranky. It started last week with the HUGE disagreement I had with my husband, then it was arguing with my cell phone company over a bill and finally a very good friend and co-worker of mine quit yesterday. My friend quitting seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back.
I cried.
At work.
In front of others.
Okay, so I rarely cry anymore and to do it in front of others?!? What is that all about. I had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom and dry my eyes.
I am really not sure what my problem is. Except um... maybe it could be PMS. I am mean I guess I can't rule that out. Maybe Gary is right, I am cranky the week before, the week of, and the week after. He is an ass.
More likely though, it is just that I am tired and need a little rest and relaxation. So in celebration of my bad mood swings (yes I think a celebration is in order, it gives a positive spin on a bad thing) I am going out with my friends this weekend. I am packing up my bags and my son and I am going home to my parents house for the weekend.
Don't look at me like that. I love my parents, I love spending the night there, and I LOVE having a built in babysitter! See, all positives. Besides that I get to see my sister, whom I always have a blast with, my friends and I get to indulge in an adult beverage without having to worry about getting up to make breakfast and turn on cartoons in the morning. Oh the joys of going home!
Also K and I are getting our hair cut. He is in need of that summer buzz cut and I am ready for a little change. Besides if you get your hair cut you lose weight, right?!? (another positive)
So now I just need to figure out how to get through the next day and half of work without going batshit crazy.
Oh and did I mention that my husband will not be joining me this weekend? He is going on his own man retreat with "the boys" to our cabin in the woods!

Monday, May 3, 2010

This is the Day that Never Ends

Today started out pretty normal actually for a Monday, it wasn't too bad. I left the house early, stopped and got coffee and was to work on time. Then things started getting interesting. It started with a "fire drill" right in the middle of the busiest part of my morning. The owner of our company walked through yelling this is a fire drill, and proceeded to gather us all out in front of the office and explain the importance of having a fire plan. He did all this while his fly was down. It was hilarious. I can only imagine his thoughts later when he realized. I am betting we don't have a fire drill again for awhile. Then the girl that takes lunch before me forgot to tell me she was back, which put me a half hour behind taking my lunch. Not a big deal except that it put me at the bank at the busiest time of day. So that put me behind and I didn't get a chance to go to the store and pick up hair dye, that I am in desperate need of. I did have time to run to the car wash and hose off my truck from being at the mud bogs this weekend (just driving by)and that is when I ripped a whole in my pants! OMG are you kidding me! The butt of my pants and I have half a day of work left! Lets just end this day and start over tomorrow.