Thursday, June 10, 2010

You take the good you take the bad

It seems like whenever I relax and think that life is coming around and that everything will be ok and right in the world it gets all jacked out of shaped again. Like last night, I was peaceful and very content with how things in my life are going. I was happy and less worried and stressed than I usually am. I am pretty high strung and by nature a worry-wart, something I apparently get from my dad. We both can lose sleep at night over things that are completely out of our control, but we worry none the less.
But last night I felt good. I went through my before bed routine, turning off lights, making sure my cell phone was plugged in and checking on K. He was sounds asleep in bed, flat on his back with his little arms crossed over his chest and his hands tucked into his armpits. It was a funny, yet slightly creepy thing to see, so I went in and covered him up and gave him a little kiss and he woke up a little and said, "Mom, you scared the hell out of me." Normally I would correct him and tell him he was too little to say bad words, but that fast he rolled over and fell back to sleep, which was a good things because I was to busy trying not to laugh at the remark to scold him. All was well in my world, I went to my own room and fell asleep.
Then morning rolled around, and disaster came calling. First I woke up late because I had turned the alarm down so as not to wake G when it went off and so of course I didn't hear it either. So I rushed around and headed out to work running about 15 minutes behind, in the scheme of things not a real big deal. I was half way to work when out of no where a dear crossed in front of me in the road and BAM, I hit it. Took out my front grill and passenger side head light. I was fine, oddly calm. I called to place a report and found out you don't even have to do that at the time of the accident for hitting deer, you can do it later if your insurance requires it at all. So that set me feeling somewhat better. I got to work only 30 minutes late and felt pretty good.
But now, hours later, the adrenaline rush is gone and the sinking feeling in my stomach is here full tilt. I feel like crying, and I did, and throwning up and going home and crawling into bed and pulling the covers over my head. My precarious perch on stable has now been sent sent spinning. I haven't been able to get a hold of G yet to tell him of the accident since he worked all night and I don't want to wake him. And I know that in the whole realm of things this is pretty insignificant. I wasn't hurt, there wasn't alot of damage and that's what insurance is for anyway, but the entire thing has sent me reeling. Feeling like I am in a free fall and I don't know when or where I will hit bottom. I have had more stress in my life in the last year than I can handle and this has just sent me over the edge. I am sure it doesn't help that mother nature is paying her little monthly visit, but I am just so overwhelmed. Thank goodness that vacation is only 3 weeks away. It can not come soon enough.

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